SHYNESS AND BULLYING: ARE THEY INTERRELATED?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt 

I believe there is a deep misunderstanding among the general public about what it means to be shy. I know what shyness is very well, with firsthand experience because I was a very shy kid growing up. I would hide behind closed doors in the presence of stranger. I would blush and stutter when I spoken to by others but I had never felt timid or self-effaced. I was fearful of unknowns, but at the same time I was a very proud kid. My fear of strangers, and novel situations were due to my lack of knowledge about what to say and how to behave. As a child, I didn’t have any guidance, experience or knowledge. 

I gradually grew out of my shyness as I matured, gained more experience and knowledge. But some degree of shyness remained with me, and became a part of my slightly introvert personality characteristic.

I’m not a reticent person. I have only few good friends. I like my own company with my personal library and books, reading, thinking, writing and listening classical music.

As I see it, there must be different types and degree of shyness. To me shyness is very necessary. It is evolution acquired and genetically transmitted feeling for the protection of species, by creating fear and caution in unknown circumstances. We all must have been born with some form of shyness.

Scientific studies have shown that about 20% of people have genetic predisposition to be naturally shy. But shyness is not a fixed trait. Everyone with genetic predisposition doesn’t remain shy. Some psychologists believe that harsh criticism and bullying in early childhood by parents, siblings and friends may lead to lifetime of shyness.

Shyness in mild in mild form is not a weakness or a bad thing to have. In fact shyness brings several strengths with it. Shy peoples are modest, they don’t brag. They are humble, kind, empathetic, reliable, hardworking and they have a calming effect on other peoples.

However shyness in severe form is a psychological disorder. It manifests itself with timidity, lack of self-confidence or self-worth, and a withdrawal from social activities. In this form, it projects weakness and vulnerability and can attract bullying.

This type of shyness is usually confused with “social anxiety disorder,” which is a mental disorder. Actually all mental disorders have psychological components of shyness, behavior and mannerism with them.

Bullying can also attracted by being physically different and speaking the language with an accent. People who like to bully are not completely normal. They have a sadistic personality. They like to intimidate and make other people feel inferior to them and they take pleasure from doing it.

While working on this article, a vivid childhood memory came to my mind. When I moved from Eastern Anatolia to Western Anatolia for elementary school education, I spoke Turkish with an Eastern Anatolian accent. Local kids considered me a Kurdish kid, and started to bully me. One day two kids approached me and said, “hey Kurdish kid, they say that Kurds have a tail. Why don’t you show us your tail?” I became very angry and said,” you want to see my tail, come closer, I will show it to you.” And I immediately punched him as hard as I could, right on his nose. His nose started to bleed and he ran away crying. Form that on nobody ever try to bully me.

I believe parents with shy kids should have an understanding to never harshly criticize or bully their kids. They have to teach them how to be self-reliant and courageous. Self–reliance is the greatest gift a parent can give to a child. And if necessary, making kids to take marshal art classes to defend themselves against bullying is among one the best remedies.