G U R B E T

 “To make the right choice in life, you have to get in touch with your soul.”   -Chopra

“Gurbet” is a Turkish word for how an immigrant feelswhile living in a place far from his/her homeland. It is a sad, but pleasurable immense longing for their place of birth. I know this feeling very well, because I am an immigrant too. 

Sometimes when I feel lonely or I read an article written about my homeland, in true and tenderly fashion, an immense longing invades my thoughts and I want to cry. Such an article recently appeared in January 2020 issue of National Geographic, written about Anatolia by Andrew Evans.

I was born in a small village in Eastern Anatolia some call it Asia Minor. I grew up under the influence of local Anatolian culture. In 1966, I immigrated from Turkey to the USA after I became a doctor.

So far, I have lived more of my life in the USA but my heart remains in the place where I was born. My yearly trips to Turkey did not remedy my yearnings, it actually made it worse because my memories about everything in my birth place are more vivid, more colorful and more beautiful than the changes and the realities of the present time. In addition, I believe our sensory experiences and our memories have become dulled through repetitions, familiarities and growing older.

I guess, changes are unavoidable, nothing remains the same and everything changes over time. After a long struggle, I decided to keep my memories about things in my childhood and birthplace as they were.

What is about our birthplace that bounds us so strongly to the place where we were born?

I believe it is our early childhood, when our brains complete its development, in a most rapid pace under the influence of our upbringing, our parents, our home environment, our education, our community and the geography of the land. These factors shape our brain, ingrain in our being and become a permanent part of us, our emotions, our personality and our values in life.

Anatolia means the land of the sunrise. Anatolia is a pathway and crossroad of continents. It has always experienced waves of migrations of different and glorious civilizations that left complex cultural heritage, and remnants of their civilizations on the land. Artifacts from Paleolithic age, Greek, Roman, Byzantine, Armenian, Seljuk Turks, Ottomans, Catholic Crusaders, Silk Road merchants are spread all over the place in Anatolia.

Turkish culture and traditions place great emphasis on respect, honor and pride on people. Parents, family members, seniors and educated are owed considerable respect. Legendary hospitality, bravery and loyalty are deeply rooted in Turkish society.

I remember, during one of my yearly yearning trips to Turkey, a beautiful young lady set next to me. We started talking. When she learned I am originally from Turkey, she said, “you are so nice. I was told that Turkish men are wild, I would not be safe traveling alone. Am I going to be okay?”

I responded by saying, ”if you dress and act appropriately, if you respect their local culture and traditions, you would be treated like an honorable guest and be protected from any danger.”

I believe and as I see it, being an immigrant, under any circumstances is not easy. After so many years, I still feel like, I am neither a complete American nor a complete Turk. I lost my identity. I feel like I live constantly between a rock and a hard place.

 When I am in America I miss Turkey. When I am In Turkey, I miss America. I decided to live in America for the rest of my life, while missing Turkey.