F R I E N D S H I P

WHY DO WE NEED FRIENDS?

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS?

HOW TO BE A BETTER FRIEND?

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT IN FRIENDSHIP?

“If you go looking for a friend, you are going to find they are very scarce. If you are going out to be a friend, you will find them everywhere.”  -Zig Zigler

We need friends, because as social creatures we can’t live alone. We can’t be with our family members and relatives all the time. We need friends to create our own livable social environment. Besides socializing with them, we share our thoughts, our feelings, our aspirations with them and we enjoy their company. Our life is often influenced by the friends we choose.

Yet, we don’t really know that much on how to make friends, how to choose our friends or how to be a better friend?

As I see it, in order to make friends, first we have to know how to be friendly. We have to hone our social skills and communication skills, which are both very necessary tools to make friends. We have to show interest in other people by talking to them and asking them questions in a friendly manner.

Personally, I am not very good at making new friends. I have only few good friends. I choose my friends carefully. To me, friendship is like marriage. The more you have in common with your friend, the better it is. Being same minded, enjoying similar interests in the arts and culture, having similar personalities and political discourse are very important for me.

I believe that the friends we make online, like on social media, are not real friends. They are fictional, make believe and fake. Because online, there are no checkups for the truth. Online friendships only help giant social media companies. Only real, person-to-person, long lasting contacts provide the foundation for real friendships.

After making friends, we have to build our friendship by becoming a better friend. Right from the beginning of a friendship, we should be humble enough to know that nobody (including ourselves) is perfect. We are all genetically created differently. These differences reflect on our personality, demeanor, behaviors and psychology. We all have our shortcomings. Perfection only belongs to God.

Therefore, it should be considered normal that sometimes we would have disagreements with our friends or partners. This is because of our genetic differences. Instead of ending the friendship, we should show an understanding and try to remedy our differences if the friendship is something you value. This means that we should identify the things that are bothersome in our friendship, and try to talk about them in a constructive and friendly way, to try to find a middle ground to compromise. Since we can’t change genetics, we have to learn to live with our differences. This is the only way - by accepting them as they are, we become better friends.

Some psychologists call this approach, ”acceptance practice.” Accepting people as they are does not mean agreeing with them but learning to live with our differences. Trying to resolve conflicts in friendships helps us to feel good about ourselves and about our friend.