LANGUAGE Part 4

                                        HUMAN CONNECTIONS WHILE CONVERSING

Human conversation goes far beyond just uttering words. There are many other important elements go with conversation. Chosen words, type of voice and tonality of voice used, eye connections, a gaze, smile, facial expressions, silences used between words, and body language make all the difference in any conversation. When all these elements are proceeded together and harmoniously with conversational partners, only then do they feel deeply connected and understanding each other very well.

We all know that words we use during a conversation, first go through a mental phase where we choose the words that would express our thinking, our ideas and feelings in the best way. Sometimes our feelings can be so strong that we cannot find a proper word to express it. Then comes the auditory phase of our words which involve the intensity and tonality of our voice. This is accompanied by a visual phase of our words - which is our body language that is expressed in the form of eye contact, gaze, smile, fascial expression and the other aspects of body language like hand movements and body positions.

Eye contact, gaze and facial expressions are a window to our mental state, and the mental phase of our conversation. We can easily lie with the words we use, but we cannot lie with our body language. If there are discrepancies between our words and body language, our talk would never be very convincing.

Neuroscientists report some interesting and surprising findings on the interplay of these conversation elements, especially eye contact and gaze. When they are synchronized between two people, their brain’s activities regions are also synchronized. Having eye contact during the conversation is very important and it binds two people like a glue with mental connections, shared attention and brain activities. Researchers found that initial eye contact marks the peak of attention. But the brain’s synchronization drops sharply soon afterwards, when you look away from each other, only to come back to propel the conversation forward with new ideas. Researchers think breaking eye contact has a purpose that is to go to mental phase and to bring new ideas.

To keep your gaze on a person for a long time creates an uncomfortable feeling on the other person like shyness, threat, daring or flirting. Our gaze should never be fixed at one spot. We should look at the eyes of other person when we are talking and, look at his/her mouth when we are listening.

These new findings explain why so often video conferences are unsatisfactory and disappointing, where no real eye contact is possible.